Episode Sixteen

Ok so I don’t know who got the idea.  I don’t know if it was Linda on her own or Cindy who was behind the camera.  But man, when you surprise Dorian in the bath tub, he’s got the funniest look I’ve ever seen.  Considering having that photo blown up to poster size and putting it right over his bed.  Mark even showed it to Jane and she about died laughing.

My pushing them into actually working on their skills is starting to pay off.  Cindy came home from work with a promotion.  Honestly I wonder about her boss.  I think he may have a serious problem with his nose.  Personally I wouldn’t promote someone who didn’t bathe.  Just bad for the office reputation to have a stinky person representing them.

Since my plan was paying off, it was another night of yelling at them and pushing them into working on their skills.  I’m sorry but I just don’t want to have these fools living with me forever.  They paid me back though.  Nothing like a little late night bath tub sabotage.  I heard Holden grumbling under his breath…”Slave driver… mumble mumble bath tub, mumble mumble.”  Sigh.

Episode Fifteen

This is getting just a little bit stupid.  I don’t even know how many times I’ve had to call the repair woman.  Her future theoretical grand children are now starting to grow hefty trust funds all because of us.  This time I suspect Mark.  Mostly because he kept giving me this look that said….”Oh shit.  I forgot she’s a cop.”  That’s right buddy.  I am.  And some day I’m throwing you in the slammer and getting rid of the key.

I knew he was feeling guilty when he tried to take charge when the repair lady showed up.  Either that or he thought she was hot. 

I decided it was time for another round of house hold discipline.  For once, I made them work on the skills they actually need for their job.  Like every other time I’ve gotten mean to them, the results were immediate.  Even Dorian started to take responsibility for the home and the way it’s been kept up.

Guess that means that my best mood is not to play the good cop.  These folks need the bad cop.  I wonder if I could get a really big German Shepard.  Or a Rottweiler.  Hmmm…. that’s an idea.  A guard dog trained to keep them working….I’ll have to talk to my boss.

So in addition to this asylum challenge, I’ve started a legacy challenge with a twist.  Every generation shall have it’s own challenge.  So far I’ve got…

Gen 1

No Jobs.  They must have at least two kids and live a decent life, but no outside the home employment (I don’t have Ambitions installed, so that makes it a bit more challenging.)

Gen 2

Restart.  Start out with the largest empty plot of land available.  Try to build to a lavish lifestyle by the end.  Best of the best.  Must have at least one daughter.

Gen 3

Baby Daddy Drama.  Heir must be female, must have at least three kids by three different fathers.  Outside of twins, no children shall be allowed to have the same father.  Mother must not depend on financial help from the baby daddies.

So… any suggestions you have for further generations, throw them out.  Looking for this one to get a bit crazy.

Episode Fourteen

I came home from a full day of work.  A hard, long day of work.  I look around and not one, but two sinks are broken, the stereo’s broken, the fridge stinks to high heaven, the floors are soaked, and the only person even near by is completely ignoring it.  So long day of work lead to long night of repairs and cleaning. 

In the morning, I, well, I lost my cool.  Over breakfast I tore into them all about how hard I work and how much they demand from me.  I guess I just reached my limit.  I guess what I said kind of sunk in a bit.  Cindy, Holden, and Mark actually started helping out around the house just a little bit.  It may not be much, but at least it’s a start.

Dorian, well Dorian’s still a treat.  So he’s standing in the kitchen in his underwear.  And his ass starts ringing.  He reached in and pulled out his cell phone.  I both want to know and REALLY don’t want to know where the thing was being kept.  I can only think of two possibilities.  One is massively eww and the other… well the other’s just pathetic.

Episode Thirteen

Ok, so you’ve got an empty tub all of two feet behind you.  It’s clean.  It’s in perfect order.  It’s all ready for you to do the things you do while getting clean.  But Cindy… Cindy, Cindy, Cindy…. Why ignore the tub and take another sponge bath?  I could totally understand it if you were afraid of water.  But you’re not.  I mean what’s the logic there?

Of course our goddess of fix it had to come back again.  Lord knows we can’t go more than a day or two without her gracing our presence.  I think we’re putting her unborn children through college now.  A really really really good college even.

Decided to give myself a day off of cooking.  If anything I can claim I’m working on their “independent living skills.”  Figured out really fast why I do most of the cooking.  So person number one (I think it was Holden, or maybe Mark), comes in and makes and burns some waffles.  Cindy comes in, denies the already made food, makes and burns some waffles.  Linda comes in, ignores totally the two already made meals, makes and burns waffles.  I’m buying stock in Eggo Waffles.  At least they can pay for my retirement while they make an endless loop of burnt waffles.

Then the virus came back.  And Jane caught it too.  I’m going to have to work harder on that anti ghost story virus.  Dorian, I think I hate you for starting all this.

Episode Twelve

The nice repair woman returned.  Again.  I would tip her but I think she’s probably making enough money off of us as is.  I’ll add her to the Christmas card list at least. 

Cindy and Linda decided pillow fighting was the new cool past time.  Poor Linda ended up returning to her job at the hospital, but this time as a patient.  She didn’t realize Cindy was prone to fighting a little on the dirty side.  Linda took a peach can to the forehead.  My promotion bonus paid for the stitches. 

Mark… oh Mark.  I think he’s developing quite the crush on Penelope.  But the poor guy doesn’t understand some of the basics of attracting us lady folk.  Now I don’t know if it was body odor or axe body spray, but Mark seems to think that being evil equates to stinking so much that the others around you can’t even open their eyes all the way.  I handed Penelope my saline eye wash and made sure to help her with clearing her sinuses.

Linda, recovering from her injuries, took it easy on the couch with Holden.  Found out the girl has some…. interesting areas of interest.  I always found clowns kind of creepy and afros kind of …. lame… but apparently she loves them.  Like really loves them.  Like really REALLY loves them.  I seriously wonder what she looks for in a man.  Maybe a pirate will do.

And of course, while I’m at work, I get a call….

“Um… Georgia?”

“Yes, Holden?”

“We need you to come home now.  There’s a problem.”

“What happened?  Is anyone hurt?  Do you need paramedics?”

“Um… no.  We need a plumber.”

Episode Eleven

It started out a good day.  Finally all of them had their own beds.  Admittedly it was still little kid style bunk beds and the room rather resembled a dormitory in Oliver Twist, but hey, it was a start.  I was starting to move up on the old career ladder and a couple of the others had received a few promotions (although I questioned their bosses’ sanity.).  I supervised dinner and actually began to feel slightly optimistic. 

After sneaking away for a little bit of painting practice, pirate boy was demanding some attention.  Let me just say…. pirate joke do not help you master the strategy of chess. 

“What do you call a pirate with 8 eyes?”

“What, Jonah?”

“PIIIIIIIIRATE!!!!!!!!!  Get it?  Huh?!?  Get it?”

“Shut up Jonah.  And by the way, checkmate.”

Somewhere in between the chess game, pirate jokes, Jonah deciding that his reflection is really his best friend, the computer broke…. AGAIN.  I have no idea who did it this time.  Beginning to think that we should have the repair woman just move in.  But I’d have to kick someone out to do it.  Maybe Jonah.  No wait.  Dorian.

Episode Ten

Even though pirate boy had some fails going on, I had to give the nut case some credit.  At least he was trying to do the things necessary to get a promotion.  It absolutely drives me insane how these people don’t seem to make the connection that there’s anything their bosses may expect from them.  Like showing up.  Like not reeking.  Like doing their jobs. 

Mark and pirate boy got into it a little.  To a certain degree, I wish they would have taken it further.  I figure if one kills the other, that means two less idiots for me to tend to.  Oh wait.  I didn’t mean to say that.  I meant fluffy bunnies and rainbows and unicorns and crap.  Yeah, whatever.

Dorian’s still doing his attention seeking strangeness.  Peed on the carpet.  Again.  Didn’t clean it up.  It’s like a dog marking it’s territory.  “IT’S MY SQUARE OF CARPET! NOT YOURS!”   And of course, then there’s the stink.  And the laziness.  I caught him lying in bed, starving to death, reeking, and just laying there doing nothing about it.  I think his ideal life would be in bed, wearing diapers, and being fed through a tube.  Lazy jackass.

At least the addition took shape.  I hope that extra bathroom helps.  I am getting so sick of this… body odor issue we’ve got going on.

Episode Nine

Having eight people, especially these eight people, in a house is hard on things.  Made some sort of bizarre sense that it was time for things to start breaking.  I’m sorry, but I’m just not going to be fixing the tv anytime soon.  It’s that whole trying to avoid the emergency room thing.  So that’s how we met our secondary goddess, the repair woman.

And immediately after she left, the toilet broke.  But that I can fix.  That doesn’t involve threat of electrocution.  Strange little fear I’ve got, isn’t it?

We’ve got the beginnings of an addition to the house going on now.  There’s going to be a larger bedroom for all the bunk beds and the house will have two whole bathrooms.  I’m desperately hoping that this will help put an end to the whole people reeking to high heaven problem we’ve got going on.  And maybe Dorian will finally finish his potty training.  One can only hope.

Mark is beginning to show his true colors.  You’d think he’s just trying to have fun sneaking up on people and scaring them.  Admittedly the scream of surprise can be pretty funny.  But look at Penelope… girl may wear a sweater and pearls during the day, but she’s a freak at night.  Mark is a complete pervert.  And chances are, Penelope likes it that way.

Episode Eight

So someone please tell me why this house always has to have at least one person that stinks to high heaven?  It’s disgusting.  I swear to god these people are gross.  But at least I finally had the money to do a little remodeling.  Turned that useless garage into the new living room and the former living room got to be the new dining room.  At least not there’s enough space for every one to sit around the table.  That’s supposed to be good for bonding or something.

We’re in the new living room… Things are going great….Everyone likes the choices I made in the remodel….We’re all having fun….. And of course, the current person who reeks has to sit down next to me.  Am I wearing a sign that just screams in bright flashing neon letters “HEY FOLKS!  THE GROSSER YOU ARE, THE MORE I THINK YOU’RE HOT”? I mean…. eww.  Just eww.

I go off to cook dinner and I notice… there’s waffles on the floor.  Floors apparently eat waffles now.  Oh yeah and dirty dishes left out on the little bit of counter space I have.  Hate these idiots.

And then Dorian…. I don’t know if he intentionally seeks out to be the center of attention by doing disgusting things, but yeah… I mean what can you say about a grown man who pees himself?  I think he deserved to have that look of disgust on his face.  *Note to self* Check out coupons for Depends or any other “adult undergarment”.  Eww.